| Retreat is Designed for Those Grieving the Loss of a Marriage |
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| Tuesday, 04 September 2007 03:26 | |||
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HAMDEN – Beginning Experience – a weekend retreat to help divorced partners grieve the loss of their marriage – is being offered for the first time in Connecticut this fall.
“We typically think of grief as something that only involves a death,” explained Yvonne Rousseau, who is coordinating the program through the archdiocesan Family Life Office. “But it also applies to those who have lost a marriage through divorce or separation.” Such emotions and behaviors as shock, denial, guilt, blame, disorientation, anxiety, emptiness, sadness, lack of trust, inability to make decisions, loneliness and even trauma and depression can be typical for anyone experiencing the loss of a partner or relationship, noted Mrs. Rousseau. “Some divorced people may not realize they are grieving the loss of a marriage,” she said. But after attending a retreat in New York herself following her own divorce, she realized that, like many others, “I was grieving. I wasn’t going anywhere. I was stuck, like being in a black hole. The retreat gave me the words and tools to work through it.” Although the retreat this fall is specifically for those grieving loss through a divorce, Beginning Experience is a Christian-based, international support program for anyone grieving the loss of a marriage through death and separation, as well as divorce. By moving through the natural grief process, it offers participants an opportunity to promote healing and bring closure to the loss. Participants listen to a series of presentations from peers, reflect and share in small groups. The experience helps them re-evaluate their lives, heal past loss and loneliness, and gain trust in order to move forward with their lives. Presenters are peers or people who have gone through the program themselves and now are helping others to move on. “There’s something powerful about being able to identify and share your thoughts with someone else, especially if they’ve been through the same experience,” said Mrs. Rousseau. “Instead of being ruled by those thoughts, you’re freed of them.” Beginning Experience was developed in 1974 by Sister Josephine Stewart in Fort Worth, Texas, who patterned it after Marriage Encounter weekends. It focuses on the five stages of grief developed by death-and-dying researcher Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who put her stamp of approval on the program. The international headquarters is located in South Bend, Ind. Statistics bear out the growing need for support among people suffering the loss of relationships. According to United States statistics, there are 800,000 new widows and widowers annually; half of marriages in the United States end in divorce; more than 1.1 million children are affected each year by divorce; divorce is the leading cause of childhood depression and suicide; and rates of drug abuse and teen pregnancy are higher for children of the divorced. “It’s a huge loss of dreams … dreams not realized, like children, grandchildren, or plans for retirement,” said Mrs. Rousseau, about the end of relationships because of divorce or death. “The retreat experience helps both groups to be realistic.” “There’s an expression,” said Mrs. Rousseau: “‘Divorced people tend to demonize their spouse; widowed people tend to canonize them.’ This weekend helps to bring the memories back into balance.” She advises that those experiencing the initial stages of loss and grief attend bereavement groups first. “If you’re raw with pain, it’s hard to experience the weekend,” she cautioned. “This weekend is really designed to close the door gently on the past and then move forward.” Marianne Corbo is among those who took the retreat weekend after the death of her husband, and now volunteers her time as a member of one of the peer support teams. “I wasn’t sure what to expect,” she recalled of her first retreat. “I was just reaching out for something to help me feel better. You’re not only mourning the person, but the life you were going to have together. Your life as you knew it is over.” “But with the retreat, it’s comforting to know you are with people who’ve been through the same thing,” she continued. “There are people who know how you feel.” The Beginning Experience retreat will be held Oct. 26-28 at Our Lady of Calvary Retreat Center in Farmington. Information is available at (860) 693-1913 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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